3.01.2003
last to know
it turns out my scuba instructor, who i have a serious crush on, is actually seeing someone. and she is either a total bitch or he is madly in love with her because he is on a diet because of her. it makes sense because it was actually freaky how i never saw the guy eat. and while he's not morbidly obese, he's not "petite" either. but why am i the last to know? it's a cruel cruel world.
while his missus, as they say here, is blonde, and thus a natural focus of all my hate and anger, i still do not meddle in other people's relationships. andrew will have to see for himself how much better of a woman i am than some stupid blonde girl. :) actually, i am really just a jumble of emotions and desires. while i have been willing to use and abuse a few guys in my recent past (though in the end, i am the one who gets hurt, so it's all works out in the end, i suppose), i have no desire to do that with this guy, because i actually really like him. not that i didn't like these other guys, but this one is different. he is very very nice and kind and considerate. so i don't want to even remotely try to break them up, nor do i think i want him to choose me anyways. i'm leaving in three months. i don't want to complicate this guy's life. i don't want him to get caught up in my messy life. that's kindness, no?
anyhow, this blog is being seriously neglected. i put all of my updates on my other site: here.
in short, i'm loving the new zealand thing. the thing that's on my mind, though, is deciding what i want to do when this is over. i go back to the states on june 16 (God allowing, since my ticket is on United), and have a job for july and plans to drive cross-country in august. i want to stay in the states until at least october, since a good friend of mine just got engaged and he says that's when the wedding will be. a job has opened up at my old place of employment that is quite perfect. but i am also thinking of living in LA and NYC. and then there's this place. God, i am so happy here in new zealand. a lot of it has to do with being physical, which judith, the woman i board with who is also a pagan and quite into astrology, would chalk up to me being an aries. but it's also easy to be so active here. it's just what this country is all about, in some ways. i guess i could be active in the states, too, but there's something about this place...ahh, the wanderlust in me. ahh, the aspiring expat in me.
00:25
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bubbly and lovely: i'm too poor for therapy.
