8.18.2002
no, i can't let it go
last night, for the first time in a long time, somebody asked me about my beliefs in god. (see previous post about 22 year old; he was a philosophy major.) it all started because he asked about my tattoos and why i got them. one is of a crescent moon and star (kind of communist-y looking, according to a friend), and the other is of a sun. picking up on the astronomical theme?
so i majored in physics/astronomy in college. the first astronomy class i took was astro 101, spring of my first year. (incidentally, we don't call freshman freshman at pomona; we call them first years.) and about the same time, i started to question my beliefs about god. i had believed in god but the christians around me i was meeting were introducing me to christianity in a whole new way and i wasn't buying it.
but all the things i was learning in astronomy -- the way the universe fits so perfectly, like the ideal jigsaw puzzle; the symmetry and sense of it all even though it's so vast and almost outside of comprehension -- was showing me that maybe there is more to this god thing. and yeah maybe it was coincidence, but a lot of ways that god works is coincidence, at least in my life, and the fact that there were all these christians around me showing me this other different yet completely fulfilling way to live, well, i started to wonder. and wonder and wonder and wonder and i finally decided at some point early that summer that i in fact did believe in god.
when the time came to get a tattoo, my first in march of 1999, i was flipping through a book of samples in a little, white, clean tattoo parlor in copenhagen, denmark. when i saw the little crescent moon with the purple highlight and the little yellow star, i thought it was perfect. and i liked the astronomical theme because it represented, in a way, my belief in god, my choosing to try and live my life in a certain way, and i could not think of anything better to put on my body -- this thing that would last forever.
so there it is.
i haven't thought about this in a long time, probably in at least a year or so. i don't find that there's a lot of occasions where people ask me about my belief in god. but he did last night. it was hard dusting off the cobwebs from those brain cells and tapping them for to think again.
23:19
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bubbly and lovely: i'm too poor for therapy.
