bubbly and lovely: i'm too poor for therapy.
been there and back again. too many thoughts and opinions and hormones get me in trouble.
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8.30.2002
jetlag sucks
i get the strangest jet lag. i hardly slept at all two nights ago. i'm talking tossing and turning for two hours before finally falling just barely to sleep before waking up twice -- once for missetting my alarm to east coast time and then again a few hours later to get ready to leave for the airport. but last night, after i got home, i didn't fall asleep until nearly five a.m. this used to happen to me when i came home from school at the end of the semester. i would stay up until 7am or some other awfully obscene hour and then wouldn't get off the nasty cycle for ages.
while i was in l.a. i decided one day, for no reason in particular, that i HAD TO HAVE the john mayer cd. it's great. check it out. despite him being all sensitive-like and singing and playing the guitar, he doesn't strike me as all THAT cute. not that that matters, but just to refute some others out there who might gush about him and all.
11:52
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http://www.dianajong.com
02:25
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mas sickos
more googling:
gay toilets "code word"
queenstown strip club
funny pics ronald mcdonald wholesome
i want to see porn pictures from africa countries like congo etc.
mia hamm naked
orio palmer
naked bachelor party pics
britons survey emigrate
adolescent gay porn gallery free [cheap bastard -- me]
weird,strange,people,places,time
tighty whities
rivalry nyu columbia
perhaps what should concern me more is that these searches actually result in my page.
02:22
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back
back in this cramped city in my cramped apartment after nine rather luxurious days in a sprawling city with cheap, decent living conditions. all my friends, from the poorest to the richest (a fair spread) have apartments many many times the size of mine. poo poo.
i'm not rushing off to move to los angeles like i felt when i returned from down under, but am seriously considering it. i know, i'm crazy and -- what's the word for it? if you look two posts down i was writing about how weird l.a. is to me. and l.a. boys still give me the creeps but some of them are so gosh darn cute, especially some who are friends of friends in certain contexts and can be trusted. i'm still going to new zealand (and i say that with as much certainty as i can while no money has yet exchanged hands) so any fanciful daydreams about moving to los angeles are in the context of a year from now. but it's something to consider. i wouldn't live there for the rest of my life, i don't think, but for a few years, it could be a good thing.
but i have a lot of mixed feelings about it. i left l.a. in the first place to go some place different because it seemed that staying after graduation was the easy thing. and it seemed like everyone was going into the same inner-city missionary type program (servant partners) and it was, in the words of a friend, lemming-like. (not that i want to trash servant partners because it does do great things but there are other cities and other people and other things to do as well.) so would going back be like giving it? it'd be easier, i think, to hang out with old friends than meet new ones and make a new community someplace else (say, NYC, for example). but the fact i discovered this week is that all those people i think have some sort of nirvana of friendship going on in southern california don't see each other all that much. it just seems they do because they tend to get together when i'm in town. and as they're started to get married and more set in careers or whatever, lives start getting even more separated and it's basically just weddings (and given enough time, funerals too). oh so sad.
i think the fix all for this is to find someone in new zealand to marry and forge my own way. perhaps. my first few days in LA, i kept thinking about how much i loved new york. the thought occurred to me as i was leaving, and emphasized by when the plane took off from newark airport and i could see the city, the city unlike anything i had ever seen.
i'm fickle. that's the word i was looking for.
02:19
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8.25.2002
observations
on the west coast they call it non-fat milk, on the east, they call it skim. once, i was at a starbucks in princeton n.j. and ordered something with non-fat milk and the barista said to me, rather energetically, "well that's not very pc."
20:51
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8.23.2002
l.a. blues
this city, even after i lived here for four years, is still weird to me. i'm at a kinko's checking my email, hoping beyond hope that someone out there will email me. BLEH. the rate here is 20 cents a minute. dude, for that i could get like 2 hours in an internet cafe down under. oh well. it just seems that EVERYTHING down there is perfect, huh diana?
last night my friend took me to THE BIG BAD VALLEY for bad pizza. he loved it, i suspect only because he ate it when he was a kid. i found it kind of weird. we had a few leftover pieces that were packed in a 6-inch by 6-inch square box ... which he proceeded to put in the trunk. does that strike anyone else as odd because i think it's the strangest thing ever.
last night we drove out to the IE (inland empire) and visited the ol' alma mater. we then tried to drive up to mount baldy and terry was CONVINCED he knew the way. we're driving through these suburban looking streets and i'm like, are you sure this is the right way? and he's all, yes, i'm sure this is right. just then we arrive at a cul-de-sac. we laughed about it for a good five minutes. :)
tonight we are going to LACMA for their jazz social/happy hour thing. i hear it's a great singles scene, not that i give a rip. LA boys give me the creeps.
19:12
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8.21.2002
the bane of editing
me again but they totally rewrote the lede. that sucks. sure, maybe my lede sucked but it still sucks to read something and then have it be all different than when you wrote it.
i'm in pasadena right now running up the tab at a cyber cafe ($2 for 15 minutes; it's way the hell cheaper in other countries), communicating with my editor because the version he THINKS he put up is different than the version that is actually up. had lunch with an old friend. i like la, despite the thick layer of smog, only because my friends are here. old friends that know you well. sigh.
18:23
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8.20.2002
vacation!
yes, i'm a lucky girl. i'm going to LA in just over 12 hours. the ticket cost me $7 (it's amazing how many frequent flyer miles one accumulates by flying to sydney and back), and i'm getting a rental car, which is really the only way to get around LA. i'm going to stay with my bestest friend terry the first night, and probably a few nights afterwards too.
terry is from southern california. he went to college in southern california and when applying for jobs wanted to stay in LA. but he ended up in DC instead. now he's back in LA (beverly hills, actually, ooh la la) and he's missing the east coast! it's amazing how much more fun life can be when you have all the public transport accessible to you. public transport facilitates drunken outings. whoo! so he's living it up in LA but he's missing DC and NY (he wants to go to law school here).
this makes me think about whether i really want to go to new zealand. hell yeah, i think, because it'll be fun and great and interesting and just downright cool. but am i really going to pass up living in the greatest city in the world? sure, i hate it here, in a lot of ways. the city is shallow and in the summer it's godawful hot and smelly and there are waaaaaay too many dogs and patches of shit on the sidewalk. but the city is so cool! it's very multicultural, there's a city camaraderie, it's accessible to everyone. and i'm meeting very very interesting people here. oy. i don't know what the hell i'm doing.
i guess at some point it doesn't really matter because i have until at least december, but i gotta send my deposit in.
01:14
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8.19.2002
i think i've figured it out
being my parents' child is much like being in a broadway production. it's like putting on a show and always having to hit your cues and notes and lines. you hvae to be well behaved when family friends are around and you have to be a high achiever so they can then brag about you to those same friends. when it's report card time, that paper had better be full of A's. you'd better do everything they expect of you or you are a hell-child, a nuisance, a pain in the ass and a disappointment.
well, that's okay because then you can turn around and use them for the only thing they're worth: money.
12:30
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wine corks
one morning a few months ago I was listening to NPR and they were discussing the virtues of different types of caps for wine. yes, traditional corks connote this image of sophistication, but sometimes they can ruin a bottle of wine because cork comes from a living thing and can harbor bacteria and such. technology has recently developed plastic corks but they can be unreliable as well. it turns out that screwtops are the best for keeping wine but they remind people of malt liquor and other cheaper, less sophisticated drinks, so winemakers are reluctant to use them. so that day on NPR, they had some chi-chi sophisticated wine expert on and he was touting the virtues of screw tops and said:
...and you don't have to worry about corkscrews,
that ridiculously antiquated phallic symbol.
i thought that was very funny.
00:10
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8.18.2002
no, i can't let it go
last night, for the first time in a long time, somebody asked me about my beliefs in god. (see previous post about 22 year old; he was a philosophy major.) it all started because he asked about my tattoos and why i got them. one is of a crescent moon and star (kind of communist-y looking, according to a friend), and the other is of a sun. picking up on the astronomical theme?
so i majored in physics/astronomy in college. the first astronomy class i took was astro 101, spring of my first year. (incidentally, we don't call freshman freshman at pomona; we call them first years.) and about the same time, i started to question my beliefs about god. i had believed in god but the christians around me i was meeting were introducing me to christianity in a whole new way and i wasn't buying it.
but all the things i was learning in astronomy -- the way the universe fits so perfectly, like the ideal jigsaw puzzle; the symmetry and sense of it all even though it's so vast and almost outside of comprehension -- was showing me that maybe there is more to this god thing. and yeah maybe it was coincidence, but a lot of ways that god works is coincidence, at least in my life, and the fact that there were all these christians around me showing me this other different yet completely fulfilling way to live, well, i started to wonder. and wonder and wonder and wonder and i finally decided at some point early that summer that i in fact did believe in god.
when the time came to get a tattoo, my first in march of 1999, i was flipping through a book of samples in a little, white, clean tattoo parlor in copenhagen, denmark. when i saw the little crescent moon with the purple highlight and the little yellow star, i thought it was perfect. and i liked the astronomical theme because it represented, in a way, my belief in god, my choosing to try and live my life in a certain way, and i could not think of anything better to put on my body -- this thing that would last forever.
so there it is.
i haven't thought about this in a long time, probably in at least a year or so. i don't find that there's a lot of occasions where people ask me about my belief in god. but he did last night. it was hard dusting off the cobwebs from those brain cells and tapping them for to think again.
23:19
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i don't know
what is my problem? when i don't like someone, i do a pretty good job of shutting him down and letting him know how i feel. but when i actually am interested in someone, i usually screw it up and give him the wrong signals, leading him to think i'm not interested. ugh!
18:19
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telephone bar and grill
i met this guy tonight in a bar. he was cute and interesting ...for a 22 year old born in 1980 who just graduated college. HA! well, i liked him anyhow.
05:11
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8.16.2002
toot toot once again
sorry, but it's still kind of exciting for me. read another story i've written. it's not the greatest, but it's there.
10:30
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8.15.2002
The Top 13 Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School
13> Your dojo's symbol is a bullseye target.
12> First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.
11> Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector.
10> The "gis" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars" are just slices of old cheese.
9> The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.
8> The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of the Three Stooges.
7> Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop quizzes" in dark alleys.
6> Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor.
5> Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.
4> Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does not exist in this dojo!"
3> You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying to tie your belt on.
2> Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the neighbors when he moved in.
and the Number 1 Sign You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School...
1> Did Confucius ever really say he was "going to open up a can of whoop-ass" on someone?
okay, maybe you won't get them but i was digging through some old mail and i think they're hilarious. it's in honor of the fact that tonight is my green belt test. a part of me is indignant that i have to pay $50 to test for a belt when i'm already the national champion in that belt. sheesh.
13:40
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8.14.2002
better than google?
i was looking for some obscure company and google failed me. this other search engine called AlltheWeb.com didn't fail me. it seems pretty neat and snazzy; give it a try.
00:30
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googles continued
strip+club+denmark
david+beckham+little+sick+girl+commonwealth+games
on+the+loose+to+climb+a+mountain (!!!! YEAY!!!!!)
naked+pics+of+canberra+soccer+team
social+order+in+mccafe+culture
naked+david+beckham+body+gay+pictures
elephants+pics+free+lick
vocabulary+and+kids+amnesia
what the heck are you people out there DOING?!
00:02
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8.13.2002
karma
i used to complain that my girl scout council never sent me invitations to the adult camping weekend (aka key people), but would always send me invitations to donate money. well it's that time of the year again when key people invites go out and i've gotten THREE.
the nearest "large town" to camp is called port jervis. we always used to laugh about it for many reasons, including the fact that on the main drag, the hospital, funeral home and cemetary are all on one block, right next to each other. the hospital used to be called mercy hospital, and we'd call it "no mercy" hospital. anyway, it seems that things aren't streamlined enough so they've added an senior assisted living apartment complex right next to the cemetary.
23:52
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8.09.2002
from barbie
>>I think coming here will be really good for you, especially if you
>>aren't that happy doing what you're doing now. And adventure shit
>>is always cool and full of self-discovery. (I should write Hallmark
>>cards...)
the nice people at adventure education arranged a for two students to call me tonight so i could ask them some questions about the school and life in new zealand in general. gosh they were so nice and even tho' they were all women, their accents turned me on. sigh, i'm such a sucker. the above was part of an email from a friend who is taking a semester in newcastle, australia. she's awesome, and i think she's right. i think i'm going to go but it's hard to commit for so far into the future. ARGH! sigh.
00:17
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8.08.2002
can't i walk in peace?
i guess i should find it flattering, but not so much really.
i was walking to taekwondo tonight with my head phones on and a block away from the school this guy asks me if i know of a music store nearby. i think there's a virgin megastore at union square, over there somewhere, i reply. he then asks what i'm listening to. moby. 18. the guy then asks if it's as good as play, because every track on that was just rocking. yeah, i say. 18 kinda grows on you. next thing i know, he's introducing himself to me and i start catching on. thankfully i'm at the door to the school, i'm goiing here, i say. i'm so not interested. well why don't you take my business card, let's get coffee sometime. umm, no thanks. sorry. up the stairs i go.
i'm moving to kansas city.
the first two people i told asked me if he was cute. no. good decision, diana, they said. this city is weird.
22:09
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8.07.2002
wise words
Mayor Tadatoshi Akiba at the 57th anniversary of the Hiroshima bombing, urging a worldwide ban on weapons of mass destruction:
"The United States government has no right to force Pax Americana
on the rest of us, or to unilaterally determine the fate of the world."
23:55
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lucky fuck
i heard on npr this morning that after george w's physical, he's going to his crawford ranch for the REST OF THE MONTH OF AUGUST. umm, excuse me, doesn't he have a country to run? sure he works from there, but gosh darn almighty, what a lucky fuck. there's no way this guy ever could possibly present himself as relating to the "average guy" because most of us average folks (and i'm not even all that average in a lot of ways) don't get to jet off to some sprawling ranch for a month. sheesh. spending all that money on fuel and protection services. i can't stand our president. he's so transparent. he doesn't even TRY to hide the fact that he lives in the pockets of big business. i can't believe the people voted for him. OH WAIT. WE DIDN'T! and then that dumb over-made up kathryn harrison and the supreme court GIVES him the presidency. yes, my dislike for this man is part of the motivation for me wanting to leave this country.
but you know, it's so darn hot in texas in august, maybe i should be glad it's not me.
00:32
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8.05.2002
violated
i went to taekwondo tonight. monday is self-defense night and my coach doesn't teach; some black belt usually does. i think the one teaching tonight was hitting on me. at one point, i was trying to do this hold/maneuver and he pulled the whole put-his-arms-around-me-and-show-me-the-right-way-to-do-it routine. i felt so violated. i rushed out of class when it was over. i don't know. i don't usually think that guys are into me; that's the last assumption i make. but i was totally getting the vibes tonight. bleh. i'm so not interested, too. i've had it with tkd guys.
23:41
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I'M PUBLISHED!
yes yes, i've been published before, but this is the first time on the internet for the whole world to see!!!!!!!!! it is sort of exciting even though i didn't think it would be.
learn about brown dwarfs, by me!
11:45
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the oops of all time
from cnn:
LONDON, England (Reuters) --A British couple are getting over the shock of landing on the wrong continent after the tickets they bought for a dream holiday in Sydney took them to a sleepy town in Canada instead of the sunkissed Australian metropolis.
Emma Dunn and Raoul Sebastian, both 19, booked their tickets from London over the Internet and only realised something was amiss when they were asked to transfer to a small propeller plane in Halifax, Nova Scotia.
11:13
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8.04.2002
step one
so the 'rents (aka the bank) have agreed to pay for me to go to new zealand in january. EEK! my dad said, "you do what you want with your life, what you think is right; we can't stop you." every day that man suprises me.
23:44
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other google searches that produce me:
britney+spears+in+tighty+whities
film+snob+auckland
EXCESSIVE+FLIRTING
jesse+mccafe+birthday
11:19
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fearless
from an article in the bbc, based on a sunday nytimes article:
Firefighters who perished in the south tower of the World Trade Center on 11 September climbed almost 30
floors higher than previously believed, a tape of emergency radio transmissions has revealed.
Four people who have heard the recording said at least two firefighters reached the fiery crash site on the 78th floor.
The officers were helping the injured after United Airlines Flight 175 tore through the side of the skyscraper, The New
York Times reported for Sunday editions.
The 78-minute tape was discovered in the rubble months ago but could not be played until fire officials and relatives
signed a confidentiality agreement. The agreement was requested because the tape may be used as evidence in
the trial of Zacarias Moussaoui, who is accused of helping to plan the attacks.
Moussaoui, who faces the death penalty, admits to being an al-Qaeda member but denies involvement in the 11
September attacks.
Officials had thought that fire crews did not get beyond the 50th floor in either tower.
Families listen
The voices of at least 16 firefighters have been identified on the recording, and their families were invited to listen to
the tape on Friday after signing agreements not to reveal content relevant to the Moussaoui trial.
Firemen helped the injured on higher floors
Debbie Palmer, whose husband, Battalion Chief Orio Palmer is heard on the tape, said listening to her husband's last
moments had brought some relief.
"I didn't hear fear, I didn't hear panic," she told The New York Times.
"When the tape is made public to the world, people will hear that they all went about their jobs without fear, and selflessly."
11:00
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gifts
my professor for my broadcast reporting class i took this summer is a producer at the nbc nightly news. and he's not a little guy either. he told us that tom brokaw can't pronounce the letter "L". interesting, huh?
00:38
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8.03.2002
no, for real!
in all honesty, i didn't know until three weeks ago that the "hand jive" -- you know, that thing from the movie "grease" -- wasn't called the "hand job". i did think it was a strange name but things were different back then, you know? so at camp this summer, i was all talking in front of the kids about doing the hand job when the dj came. hoo!
00:33
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8.02.2002
wrong baby, wrong
i haven't learned much about space or astronomy today. but i did find out that austin powers is allegedly based on this character jason king from some british show called "department s". oh it's all wrong. WRONG! SICK!
16:48
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vertigo
so my new internship is on the 35th floor of a building. there's a window right by the elevator bank and every time i'm out there, i insist on looking out the window even tho' it nearly gives me a heart attack. then i get on the elevator and i start freaking out about far down i would fall if the elevator broke. i'm insane. but this place has got the 14th floor of my other internship beat. and we're in times square so it's a helluva view.
for lunch today, i ate at the deli type place across the street on my boss' recommendation. i get there, and they adverties themselves as a "tourist restaurant". what the hell is that? it was mostly suits in there anyways.
16:14
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